graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fuck the papercut, let's break a bone or two I am desperately searching for a new job. I have to get out. I need a new start, a new office, a new phone number, new faces. My desk is a reminder of things as they were and are no longer. This is an issue because my brainchild from this winter is just getting it's due. If I can just hold out, I'm nominated for the Oscars of PR. I'm up for a big promotion. And I am bored with my job. People called me today when the nominations came out. People who heard through the grapevine and knew it was my idea. People who aren't just in PR but are in advertising and related fields and knew how big this thing was that I did. What I've done, if you can believe this, is actually changed the way marketers think at two of the biggest corporations in America. It's somewhat baffeling even to me. And so here I am. At the top of the mountain and needing something else to climb. Maybe this is how it will always be for me, maybe I will never be satisfied. Lately, I've been thinking that I should go into crisis management and image counseling. Making over people or brands who've fallen to the wayside. Fixing big giant messes. That's what I'm good at. I look at things like a puzzle, except I do it like I used to solve the Rubix's cube. People accused me of cheating - I used to break apart the cube into several pieces and examine them, putting it back together so that it was solved. It's not like I was ripping off the stickers or anything, I just took the whole thing apart and pieced it back together. That's how I fix clients. I look at the big picture that they want, the objectives, and then I take them apart in my mind and figure out a way to put them back together. I'm trying to decide what I want to fix right now. I just know that I don't want to go to another agency. I could go in-house at any number of clients, but I've already fixed them. I need something new. I walked home again from work tonight, this time with a friend. I've been walking home a lot. Last night I took the bus up into East Harlem and backtracked home on foot. I hate to admit it, but I'm still a little bit lost from losing a friend who won't speak with me anymore. Feeling this loss reaffirms my belief that losing that person was the best thing to happen to me because the loss would have been worse had it happened further down the road. I just can't seem to shake this feeling...I'm not sure what it is. It's complex. Sometimes it pisses me off, sometimes it's a feeling of sadness and other times I feel nothing. I would like to forget about this person altogether but I just can't seem to do that. And not being able to forget frustrates me most of all. My ability to move in and out of relationships without any repercussions of conscience has been the quality that most confounds people close to me. The don't understand it. They analyze it, they critique it, they applaud it. This ability seems be gone and it's a fucking problem. Not liking this at all. Thinking a new job will change that. Sometimes life is like injury. Sometimes those tiny, bothersome papercuts inflict the most pain. I think this is a papercut and I'd be better off inflicting a greater injury to focus on a greater pain and healing everything all at once. This is what I'm thinking. 9:12 p.m. - 2004-03-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||