graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I want a cooooool rider Here's something about me: I hate seeing the truth about myself. I never speak it outloud, that's why I never communicate honestly in relationships. And I hate reading it on this page like I did last night after I wrote. It's my fear of it that is compelling me to work on acknowledging the truth more here on this page and it's hard. One of the reasons that I am such a fan of Courtney Love is because of her ability to strip herself of pretension at times and bare it all, both physically and emotionally. Who knows, maybe she's lost that faculty of knowing when the faucet should be turned on and off so that she can no longer prevent it from happening, but there is something that inspires me to see that she can stand on stage naked in front of thousands of people and that they can know her dark (not so) secrets. She doesn't hide that she was a teenage stripper, that she slept around, that her husband killed himself, that she was (is?) a drug addict. It's just there, for people to accept or reject. There's a beauty in that to me. A strength and a vulnerability at the same time. Someone once said to me that it's not the perfection in others that we fall in love with, it's their flaws. I think there's a great deal of truth in that. Maybe she can do that because she no longer feels, maybe she's too numb all the time to feel, whatever it is, she does it. My friend made me laugh today when she told me that for nothing else, she loves me for my reply to her sedar invitation. She asked me to come and I said that I would attend as long as I don't have to drink shitty wine. She assured me there will be a decent cabernet on hand. I accepted. I didn't even think anything of it when I said that, I just really don't want to have any part of bad wine. She also lent me money, which was very kind, as I only had 1 dollar to my name, which has lent me to walking to work. Great exercise but not ideal for someone always running late to work. Today I had to run a mile uphill until I gave up and took the subway with my laundry coins. My brother took pity on me and offered to authorize a check to me from his trading institution that has a NYC office 1 block from my work. Thankfully, I didn't have to go through that. I've done it before. On the upside, I spent about 20 minutes on the phone today finding out what I need to do to finance my Vespa (!!!) and get my learner's permit and motorcycle license (yay!). This development improved my mood drastically, they are so nice at the Vespa store. I heart them. I am going to buy the ET4, which requires a motorcyle license because it has a more advanced engine and can go at speeds up to 65 mph. (!!) I'm going to meet with them this weekend and find out what I need to do. I am so fucking jacked for my Vespa, it's really changed my whole outlook. I considered actually buying a motorcycle when I learned about the road training and license because I'm already there, but really, is it safe for me to go on highways on a two-wheel vehicle? Probably not. I'd better stick with the Vespa. So my friend and I talked about my helmet, she thinks I should buy my helmet now to get excited. And I can just wear it out now to get used to it, but also, as she pointed out, it wouldn't be a bad idea for me just to wear a helmet when going out because I am so accident prone. And she might be right. I also think I should acquire a motorcycle jacket. I've wanted a motorcycle jacket for a while, but now it's really essential. Two people thought I should get a pink ladies jacket to go with my pink panther Vespa, but I thought that was kinda gay. I don't need to be a pink lady, I'm so much doper than that. But then she suggested a T-birds jacket and I thought, she might be onto something. I could say it's my boyfriend's...Danny Zucko. I was thinking more along the lines of a sleek DKNY motorcycle jacket. If I get anything with writing, it will say "Easy Rider." So if you see a chick zipping around in May with "Easy Rider" on her back, wave, it's me! I probably won't have the bike until May. I'm going to have to save some for it and the rest will be covered by my my tax refund. I'm not going to tell my parents until I've made the purchase because my father has forbidden me from buying a motorcycle since college when I tried to trade in my car for a Harley at the dealership and they had to call him for permission because it was registered to him. He was very unhappy with me that day. They won't be surprised though. They know I love motorcycles. I used to hang out with some Hell's Anegls at a bar in NYC, which drove my father insane. And then I went to Sturgis in 2000. Since then I traveled a bit with a guy who does distance jumps around the country. I got on his practice bike. Very different from a motorcycle. I am super excited. This scooter is going to change everything. It's exactly what I need to pick things up. Now I just need that money. 7:13 p.m. - 2004-03-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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