graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Saying goodbye to my princess I threw a going away party for myself on Friday night at my local. I ended up spending the wee hours of the morning hanging out with my old friend Zed in my room like we'd never been apart. That was a mistake. I had finally put him past me and now it's like we were never apart. I told him that I removed myself from him to save him and he told me that he pulled back to save me. My roommate's been moving out all weekend. It's a shitshow. She does NOT move like me. She packs a litle bit (which means throwing odds and ends into luggage), takes it to her new apartment and then comes back and packs a little more. That would drive me insane. I have to everything carefully packed in boxes, which are sealed and labeled. So I went to another friend's tonight for dinner. Just her and her daughter and our other friend. Her husand was away. Her daughter is 5 and I am basically her aunt. I was her back up to deliver the baby in case her husband was on a work trip. I studied those lamaze techniques like it was no ones' business. I remember that baby not even week old. When we'd all stand around the crib in the dark and just watch her breathe. We couldn't believe this miracle we had. Now she's a real live girl. Tonight she said to me, "Grace, you got a man yet?" And I laughed and said no. She asked, "Why not, already?" I said, "because I'm waiting for you to set me up with your friend's dad!" which is what she told me last time she asked if I had a boyfriend - 6 months ago. I brought her all of these toys, including a princess costume. Guilt gifts for leaving her. She didn't understand that I'm moving away. As I tucked her in tonight, I gave her a hug and I held on extra long and she gave me a little kiss on the cheek. I think she was confused. I said, "You be good in school" and she said "I will." I got choked up and started crying. I had to quickly leave the room as her mom and my friend finishing tucking her in. Then I was just a mess. It's hard, leaving a 5 year old, because they grow up so fast. I know the next time I see her - it probably won't be but a few months - but she'll be more grown up. I worry that she'll forget me. That she'll forget my apartment and how she loved to come over and play princess. In this apartment, where we'd lay her down on the bed as a baby and surround her with towels and coats to pen her in while we adults enjoyed each others' company. I think I pretty much cried the whole way home. It's been an emotional day. I'm tired, I'm getting my period and I hope to god that I can keep together for my last two days at work. 10:57 p.m. - 2006-09-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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