graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here how I see it Let me tell you what life is, if I have the fight in me. I'm 32, so I think I'm figuring things out. If you are older and have some wisdom, share it. If you're younger, bite your tongue and respect your elders. Life consists of beatdowns - girl or boy - life is celebrations; it's love and grief, it's friendship and fights. More than anything, I find, it's timing. I can't seem to find the timing. For relationships, that is. In my 20's, a good guy friend who initially was romantically interested and then became a close male friend of mine, told me that I am "a destroyer of men." I thought he was overdramatic. I don't anymore. I think I may actually be the destroyer of men. I don't want to be that, I didn't do it consciously; I am certainly not getting anything out of it. Since then, another man has told me that I have a 'siren song' that says "You are a freak and I welcome you." He may be right. It's not intentional. I think before I can put together the big picture, I need to figure out how to connect with a man and maintain that connection, rather than sever and destroy it. I realize that requires the right man - and that's work unto itself. I'm going to record this thought here even though over the next two months I will try to talk myself out of this: I need to move out of this apartment and into my own place. I need to move on alone. It's crazy, I have a great place and people to live with. Doesn't matter, I need to do this. Seems strange for someone always seeking alone time, but the truth is that I've always had someone with me. Time for me to stand on my own. And for me to stop sucking in prey. 5:01 a.m. - 2006-03-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||