graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alex, I'll take Murky Waters for $500 I'm focused and not focused on work, all at the same time. I'm bored. With Life. I suffer from extreme boredom. I wonder if I will ever feel wide eyed and excited again. *~* All this talk about the Bush/Sept. 11th ads take me back to that time. I'm shocked to realize that almost 3 years have passed. It doesn't feel like that long. I don't like that Bush is using those images in his advertising. I think it's manipulative and leveraging tragedy and pain to foster a transferred emotional bond resulting in personal and political gain. I think that if he wanted to promote it as the defining point of his presidency, then he should have included soundbites of his rhetoric addressing the event and not visuals of terrorism, destruction and death. Those were our deaths. They are real people, not names on a list, to many of us. *~* The muscle relaxer that I take at night has been generating prophetic dreams. A few nights ago I dreamt that I was reintroduced to a guy that I met in high school. In real life, I run into him every so often and he had gained a lot of weight from booze and drugs. Bloated Elvis syndrome. In my dream, we were reintroduced and he had lost all of the weight. He looked like he had looked in high school again. Tonight I spoke with a mutual friend and asked about him, telling her about the dream and she said that was strange, because she ran into him last week and he had lost all the weight. He went to rehab and looks just like he looked in high school. Weird. I've had this other dream about my roommate and a guy I used to be close to and haven't spoken with for some time. I dreamt that in the time that we were estranged, he met my roommate and they were having a clandestine affair. It wouldn't be the first time that happened. Overall I have a sense of foreboding right now. I've reengaged contact with a guy I used to hang out with, such a pathetic thing to do. He has a GF. I should let it lie and continue to box him out. I'm not initiating contact, just responding to his contact, which has been innocent. Just friendly. I remind myself daily that I can't go back there, because it would be easy and it would keep my mind occupied. There's someone else in the picture now and for her sake I can't do that. Something needs to give in my life, quickly. I am sinking into dark water. It's a negative cycle. It's not productive. It could end up being really, really bad. I just don't know anymore. 10:00 p.m. - 2004-03-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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