graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get Into the Groove I'm restless. Antsy. I want to know what I meant to do with my life. I want to know where it's going; where I'm going, what I'm meant to do. It can't be PR. It can't be documenting the life of an aging single urban woman. It CAN'T be that. It just can't. I'm meant to struggle, I feel that, but there has to be goodness driving the internal train. There has to be more out there for me. There has to be a life. I'm not depressed and I don't think what I have wouldn't be enough of a life for another person; what I have isn't for me. It's just not. There's more out there for me. There's a successful career and fair financial compensation for my contribution and there's a guy and a family. There are children somewhere waiting for me to get my act together. Somewhere. Along a long timeline. But they're there, I know they are! There are some struggles to make it all work and times when I will think it's over, that the house I will build for myself is going to crumble, but it's all there for me as is a solution and a desire to make it work out. I feel like I just need one piece to fall into place and everything else will hit it's groove. I need to find something to focus on and choosing that, is making me restless. 9:49 p.m. - 2003-08-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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