graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs I am really fucking frustrated. With life. Why is it so hard? Like all of the time, hard? *sigh* Is it me? Is it just me that can't seem to maintain interpersonal relationships nor even remotely enter into intimacy? You know, you think you identify your problems and that should be the hardest part, right? Acknowledging them and speaking them outloud. In my mind those actions should spring me from some intangible prison and I should immediately be freed and have a life. Instant gratification. But here I am. I opened up. And I do feel better, I do. I'll admit it. But I'm still not in love. And no one is in love with me. I don't know how much change is required for me to finally fucking get what I want. I have been undergoing massive changes. And it's still not enough. Sometimes, like right now, I suspect it will never be enough. And I wonder if I should just give the fuck up. Just sit down and refuse to evolve. AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM. I want to stand outside with no one around and tilt my face to the warm sun AND SCREAM UNTIL I CAN'T BREATHE. I AM FRUSTRATED. 7:00 p.m. - 2006-04-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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