graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lean to the Left! To say I had a ball at last night's shiksa seder is an understatement. It was a delightful time among some people I know well and others I'd met before, thought-provoking exposure to traditions that were new to me but older than my own and somewhat familiar in reference to the old testament that has been a part of my religious upbringing, presented with new interpretative meaning. Rather than get caught up in this religion versus that one, the point that stayed with me beyond seder was the contribution that religion and tradition makes on the family unit. Or perhaps, that religious tradition can provide a sense of family and values where there may not be blood relation at all. Over the years, I've fought religion, first in Catholic school because I was never one to accept authority (even God's) and later at a Jesuit college, because that's what the Jesuits do, piss people off by challenging them to think. Jesuits don't have many fans in the heirarchy of the Catholic Church and they seem to like it that way. I've fought some of the things that my church mandated, silly outdated things like no meat on Fridays during lent and bigger issues like abortion or conceptual issues like the fact that women are second class citizens in our church, lorded over by a group of sexless white men making decisions about us, for us. I've never fought the importance to religion to providing hope and promise to many who desperately need something hopeful in their lives. I've never doubted its role as a great unifier (or divider) among people. Last night I observed the power of religion that I had previously seen keep marriages and families together during rough periods transcend to provide a sense of family among strangers from completely different backgrounds. It's a powerful thing, religious beliefs. Ancient and still heady. *~* Tonight I was over at a friend place and she was asking me about my best guy friend. People grapple with this relationship and I guess it is bizarre. People think it's crazy that the two of us went to Mexico and stayed in the same room and didn't hook up. I don't know. I don't even think about it. He's my friend, it's just not like that. Plus, I'm weird. When I sense that people are getting too close I shut down. I've probably done that so much to him that if he ever felt that way about me, he'd know better than to push my boundaries. Tonight (and last night during a cigarette conversation during seder)as I was on my way home, it dawned on me that I may complete this life having never been in love and loved back. Any other time that would have saddened me to think that way, but now, I'm accepting of that. I think that I can still live a good, full life without a partner, without being in love. I'm loved by my friends and I have more of them than I know what to do with. I am blessed in that area. It's not a question of no longer wanting to be mutually in love or fall in love or being open to the possibility, it's more that I've reached a point where I think it's ok if it doesn't happen for me. My horoscope today said, "You want love but you'll settle for friendship," and I thought, yeah. I'll settle for friendship and that's not so bad. That sounds pretty good to me. 9:49 p.m. - 2004-04-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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