graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Busy Bee a Buzzin' I achieved a very fine buzz last night and for that, I applaud myself. I wasn't drunk, I was buzzed. If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that I am in the process of alienating myself from everything stable & good in my life. After pulling the pin on that grenade ("Fire in the hole, take cover!) yesterday, I ended up sitting next to a shrink at a bar last night. It's just so rich, these situations. And here I am talking to some friends about how fucked my life/job is, and this man is sitting there taking it all in. A little while later, he injects some comments. And even later, I find out he's a shrink. On the positive side, he did not attempt to committ me, so it can't be too bad. He did imply however, that I invite chaos. That it happens to me because I need it. I told him that he was wrong, I've had it all my life, I don't want it anymore and he said, "Maybe, but if that were the case, you wouldn't be doing what you're doing." And he also said I wouldn't be "this" person (and made a grand gesture with his hands)I am without it. So there you go. Take me or leave me. This morning sucked. I had to go to work and I really didn't want to face my work. My desk, my computer, all reminders in my fucking dramatic mind of what stupid things I've done lately. I mean, pass the tiara to the drama queen - when will I stop? I went to work. It sucked for a little while and then I got into it. I focused, downloaded some pathetic "I suck" tracks by really tragic artists who wallow more than sing, and I hammered out some progress at my job. I also got busy with some plans. I bought some bookcases that I'm moving in my apt tomorrow morning before work. I got myself into The Stills show tomorrow night, which is sold out, but I worked my way in with a friend. I accepted a lunch invitation with A. and his mother for Saturday afternoon. Then I accepted the invite to help out at an international movie star's soiree on Saturday night at his apt. And Sunday I invited some friends over for a Superbowl party, which I have decided to cater. I'm busy. I'm very busy. I don't have time for these current problems. I also booked up next week. And I bought myself two Flyers/Rangers tickets for the game on the 12th and invited someone to come with me. I am not a one trick pony. I don't just hang out in bars and update this journal. ...I am also not happy. I am slightly miserable in the bed I have made for myself but I have too much pride to fix all the mess at once. And maybe I shouldn't fix this mess. Maybe it was bound to happen and I just ripped the band-aid off a little faster? You people have no idea what I'm talking about here, but I am busy, so there's that. Just know that I am busy. 7:01 p.m. - 2004-01-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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