graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love Fool My head hurts right now. It's been hurting all day. Friday night I went to the current hot club du jour for a private party and felt remarkably disconnected from the city. I feel old lately. I just have no desire to see and be seen because I feel like I've lost that vibrant youth I had. I used to bop around and feel like I belonged in any crowd, now I feel like day old fish wrapped in yesterday's paper when I go to scenster spots. I know I looked ok, because I caught a few guys trying to make eye contact as I walked across the room and a few girls gave me the up and down. But I felt like an outsider. I can't really explain it. Later we went to our local and I had this bizarre exchange with this guy. It was like we were speaking in elvish to each other but we understood each other. It was otherwordly. This could have been because I went outside with a hot spaniard who got me high on some crazy pot. But really, we had this exchange and it felt like there was a piece of yarn connecting us. Saturday, I just could not move. I wasn't hung over, just tired. Beat down tired. My cousin came up and we hung out in my room for a few hours, then showered and went out for dinner. We went to a bar and saw a jazz band for a few hours and then went to the local bar. Things got weird. A. came and he was bombed. Things are somewhat weird with A. right now, I am hoping he'll start dating someone before we go away because right now he's being strange. A lot of hugging me and talking about how I'm his best friend. He also told me about this Christmas gift he bought for me. He's been talking about this thing he bought for me in London in October that he's been having some problems getting into the country. Last night he told me what it is, it's a 3 foot by 2 foot light lavender velvet Elvis. It's crazy because I've wanted a velvet Elvis for years and never mentioned it to him. So he bought this painting and said that we he saw it, he knew it was "perfect for us...you. I knew it was perfect for you," he said. Sigh. What am I going to do about A.? Such a great guy but not the guy for me. And then there is a guy, who could be the guy for me and we can't seem to get together. And I'm tired of waiting to see if he is. My head hurts. Back to Saturday night. One of the locals got all weird and inappropriate with my cousin, making her uncomfortable. So we left the bar around 3am. Today I laid around and then I went out in this monsoon to the grocery store. I made a meatloaf and mashed potatoes and creamed spinach for my roommate. I need a boyfriend. I think I'm ready for intimacy. 10:26 p.m. - 2003-12-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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