graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Look what's washing up on my coast Tsunami is right. My world turned upside down after that quake. No other way to explain how this girl, who never gets anything close to good things, who has trouble following her at every corner, has had a number of good things occur in the last couple of weeks. I won a game night that my friends and I go to every week at a local bar. I won it twice in a row. I've been going to this night for about 10 weeks, never won a gd thing. I was the the joke of the bar. And then I won twice. I went away for business and ended up winning a Les Paul gee-tar, signed by Les. I can't even discuss it. I've never been so excited in my life. Jumping up and down, nearly crying with the glory of this perfectly constructed instrument of rock! RAWK! It's so fucking dope that I have to type out the whole word "fucking" to aptly describe it. For days I've just been opening the case and and kneeling before it, running my fingertips over it's perfection in awe. It is the most magnificent thing I have ever owned. And before you ask, like everyone else, I'm not selling it. Not unless I have to some day. This I want. This is for me. When I came back I was out on Sunday night and kinda had a weird night with the Monster. We are spiraling into who is going to admit their feelings first territory. One of my friends tried to step in and referee between us because neither of us will publicly, or privately for that matter, discuss what's going on. This is primarily because I don't think either of us *know* what's going on. So we got into a fight, I had been drinking Captain Morgan's, which I'm prohibited to drink and I flip out. He tried to physically restrain me, which pissed me off, and I don't know what the f*ck I was thinking beyond maybe remembering being forcibly restrained by someone bigger and stronger sometime in my past and being drunk it must have just triggered a "fight for your life reflex" because without even thinking, I brought my head down so that he thought I was submitting and grew still, and then I kicked my head back and right into his jaw. I remember just before contact, softening the blow, like I had a moment of he's not trying to hurt me, don't hurt him, but the momentum was too great for me to stop it and he just kind of reeled backward and then caught himself. For a moment, I thought I might knock him out. Immediately my hand rose to touch his jaw in comfort but it was too late. He pulled away from me. He was pissed. He was really fucking pissed. I can't remember seeing him angry like that me in years. And I tried to explain myself, but he didn't want to hear it. He was really mad. He had every right to be mad, I shouldn't have done that. I wasn't thinking, I just reacted. I have reasons in my personal history for reacting like that, but not with him. I don't trust men. That's something I just figured out. And that's a really bad thing. I don't trust many people, man or woman. I *know* he's a good guy, I just haven't known too many of them. Or maybe I knew them but my experiences are with the lowlifes. I felt like shit after that. Everything after is kinda of a blur. Maybe we got into a fight, maybe he remained angry with me, can't remember but the end result was him leaving early. So I'm left at the bar, drunk and alone. Drunk on Captain Morgan's. That's never any good. So I make a call for a late night purchase that I shouldn't be making. I head downtown. That was even fucking stupider than the headbutting. But now I am just beating myself up and I think to myself, what's the point of cleaning up your act when the person inspiring you to clean it up hates you right now? That's a half truth. That thought ran through my head but I also thought fuck everyone. Fuck this. I want to have a good time. These are all stupid things to think but I overthink everything and when you're thinking all the time there are bound to be some shitass stupid thoughts amid any brilliance. So I blew through the East Village for my meeting and as soon as I get there I decide this is a stupid fucking thing to do; I don't want to do this. But my friend sees me across the street we meet. I think, all is not lost, I can just go home. I can forget this little escapade, so I decide to call it a night and go home. I go to buy some cigarettes and some weirdo European guy comes up and gives me a long stemmed rose. I drunkenly accept it and the next thing I know, he's holding out a wad of $100's, passing one off to the grocer and telling me to pick out bouquets of roses. I decline, I thank him, but he has my arm and he's piling bouquets of roses in there and I'm trying to walk out but before I know it, I'm walking out of the place holding 5 dozen roses and 1 lone red rose. And I am standing in front of his Lexus SUV and he's trying to get me in the car and I am trying to disentangle myself...there was kissing...I can't remember how that happened, my hands were full and it was just so fast and then I gave him my number - my right number (wtf?) - not sure if I gave him my name - ugh - and made up some phony address and an excuse and took off. I just started walking the other way with a purpose. The street went the other direction so he had no option but to drive away. I covered a few blocks, cut between some buildings, and ran to the next corner for a taxi to take me safely uptown. And right back into the bar I had left an hour before. It was last call, the guys all tried to understand how I came into 5dz roses in under an hour and basically gave up on the impossibility of what had happened and walked me home to make sure that I found it safely. Lest the story stop here. Over the next 2 days the flower guy called 8 times. No voicemail. Tuesday night I stopped into a new local wine store to check it out and the owner wouldn't let me leave without taking a bottle of complimentary sparkling wine. And then today, I won my football pool. Yes. I know it's crazy. I won my fucking football pool. I beat both midwestern and international yahoo's with 17 weeks of football prowess and when the announcement was made I let out one final "E-A-G-L-E-S!!!!" cheer (but not the last for the season!). Screaming for the Iggles, thinking about my luck over the last few days in the face of terrible natural disasters all over the world, all I could hear in my head was an echo of the word: tsunami, tsunami, tsunami. It didn't just stop the world for tenths of seconds, it must have damn near tilted it in my direction. 9:59 p.m. - 2005-01-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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