graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need a hug This week just gets increasingly worse. I'm having a problem with a work project but everyone is so busy at work that I can't pull any help so I am just drowning; basically begging, borrowing and stealing to make something happen. On top of that, I was pulled into HR today. It would appear that the state of PA is taking some sort of legal action against me for defaulting on student loans that I didn't know I even had until spring of last year. They've sent paperwork to my company to have my pay docked and defaulted to the government. My head was spinning. I can't understand finance as is and staring at these foreign acronyms and paperwork made my head spin. I'm negative about $400 at the moment just from paying rent and bills - I don't have money to eat or get to work so I've been walking to work and drinking a lot of coffee. My company has their attorney's reviewing the paperwork to see if this is even legal. It's an embarrassment. I called my Dad and he was outraged because he paid those loans off last spring in full. I think he sold one of his office buildings to rectify that balance and increase cash flow for his business, but I don't know if that was the reason or if something else is going on. So now I have him running around trying to resolve this, because I know nothing about these loans, they were taken out without my knowledge, all the while he's trying keep his business afloat. Everything is a mess. I started to cry at my desk. It's just so overwhelming. I thought about slitting my wrists for second, until I realized that I would probably die because no one would find me in time and then who would pay for my hospital/burial fees? And if I lived, I would have giant scars on my wrists for the rest of my life, which people would stare at and pity me when sorting for exact change at the grocery store. And then I would never have a boyfriend. Who wants to date the suicidal lunatic? And I don't want to die yet. There's that too. My period is like niagara fucking falls. I think an embryo came out of me today. If Roe v. Wade were overturned tomorrow, I would probably be mistakenly jailed. Massive clots of blood, it can't be good. Things are pretty bad. I'm not going to say they couldn't be worse, because I know they could and I am not going to jinx myself. Next week, I am going to take some time off and hide out in my bedroom. I need a hug, desperately. 9:47 p.m. - 2004-10-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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