graceland's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waiting for Godot

I don't know how it is for anyone else, but whenever I take a step forward, I seem to also take two steps backward. I can't seem to climb a hill without doing the two step. What I'd like to work up to is taking a step forward and two to the side, so I don't have to continually lose this ground that I'm gaining. My life is a Samuel Beckett play.

ESTRAGON: Don't touch me! Don't question me! Don't speak to me! Stay with me!

VLADIMIR: Did I ever leave you?

ESTRAGON: You let me go.

*~*

Good things happen despite me never seeming to be able to unstick my shoe from the proverbial gum on the sidewalk. My cousin, my brother and one of my best friends have decided to move into downtown Philadelphia. They found the perfect house and are joining forces. I love that. I love thinking that the most important people in my life will have each other. That makes me really happy and excited for them for a number of reasons, mainly, excited for each of them separately and together to start something new.

It's good.

*~*

I'm a little bit scarred after seeing Janet Jackson's boob on TV last night. It really disturbed me. I mean, here I am, enjoying TRL at the Superbowl and the next thing I know, there's boob in my face. I screamed. "Oh my God, I just saw Janet Jackson's boob!"

The song was "Nasty," Janet, not Freaky.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, I just don't want boob in my football. It's like church and state. I like sports over here and my private parts in any other place. Just not on network TV. I mean, some decency please. There's no sex in the champagne room and no boob in football. However, penis in the lockroom post-game interviews is okay. Just wanted to clarify that.

*~*

My roommate moved out yesterday. Back to just me and the original.

I began scouring the apt tonight. Tackled the kitchen, floors on two levels and part of a bathroom. Also did four loads of laundry.

This is generally what I do when I don't want to think about something that's on my mind. I clean like crazy. On the upshot, the stovetop is finally cleaned. I figure that based on the state my mind is in, I should have this place spotless - cabinets, closets and all - by Friday. I may even wax the floors.

*~*

I took a mandatory small group seminar on relationships for work today. The professional who led it did a lot of role playing with us. When it was my turn to access my reaction to a hypothetical situation, he told me that in his 12 years of teaching this seminar, he'd never heard the answer I gave before. Not once.

I'm here to stump the professionals.

It was a behavioral pattern. There was a comlicated situation and there are 4 ways you could go. I created a 5th way.

My way could be perceived a number of ways, as domineering, foolish, irrational, courageous, independent or stubborn. But it was the way he looked at me after that statement that intrigued me: first incredulously, then dangerously. As if I were someone to be watched closely.

The class made me think, not just about my approach to work, but also about my recent approach to interpersonal relationships. Or lack of approach. Dominance without warmth, hostility or submission. Just dominance on my terms that is uncompromising and all about passive-aggressive control.

But that's just a behavior, and not who I am. That can change.

Unfortunately, he didn't get to the tools to change that behavior today. That's in the next class. Until then, we'll carry on with our Beckett play.

That finished me. I said to myself, He's all alone, he thinks I'm gone for ever, and he sings.

9:00 p.m. - 2004-02-02

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

Sullivan40
CubicleGirl
Toastress
isingsolo


powered by SignMyGuestbook.com