graceland's Diaryland Diary

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Moving On, Revisiting True Friends

Oh, man. Why do things always get weird for me? Why can't I put down roots and not have to worry about creating a situation with myself and someone integral to the treehouse?

That's what I thought about, with someone I've been friends with for about 4 years, when I saw him tonight after dropping off the face of the earth for a bit.

I talked with another someone else, a guy that I have a nontraditional relationship with. Not a crush, more than a friendship, an understanding and an intellectual interest - but seriously - and I know you may not believe this because it's my M.O., but it's purely platonic. We've been friends for 4 or 5 years and never had the confusion that erupts with other male relationships. We've even been each other's wingman without weirdness, so I definitely think we are cool. (Thank God!

So apparently, I was at the upstairs of the bar and Zek was in the downstairs. An old drug friend of mine showed up, tweaked the gills and I knew she was looking for him. She hung with me for a while - definitely feeling me out - and when she got the understanding that I wasn't holding, she bolted downstairs to see him.

A bunch of people intentionally distracted me when he left the downstairs bar so I wouldn't see him out of the window. I may be paranoid, but I noticed. So I guess he effing ratted that we are out. So weak. I wonder what he said, because I cut him; he's been the one emailing me asking me what's up - I never responded. So what's he out there saying? That I hearted him? That he cut me? That he played me?

I thought about all of that, since it was so obvious that I was being blocked when in reality I thought, I should be shielded from him - he's the one who stalks me.

I was drunk and I thought about texting him to piss off, but then I had a moment with everyone left with me and I thought - they're still with me and he left with my druggie friend and her friend. Who won the battle here?

So I had another moment with my friend who owns the bar and reminesced about the prom he cancelled this year because of my self retreat and I thought, I'm just going home.

3:23 a.m. - 2006-07-21

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