graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One, not such a lonely number It's been a fantastic weekend. I've spent the majority of it alone, buying a helmet and a heavy duty bike lock and taking my bike out for a long ride. Walking around by myself. Enjoying the weather. Grocery shopping. I learned something about myself this weekend, and it tracks back to something that my stoned friend said to me in his inebriated state on Friday morning. He said, "I learned what you've known, it's nice to have other people around. It's easier. It's comfortable." For as much as I am a loner and keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, I have always surrounded myself with someone or a group of people. It's my own doing that's always found me partnered with one friend or a group. I've never been alone, it so easier to be with someone. And I don't mean in an intimate relationship with someone. Just in the company of another person. I never realized that I did that. I've always bitched about people being too attached to me, buggin' me, when it was me that sucked them in and connected the belay. I connected the belay and then I gave them nothing of me in return. And I wonder why I haven't been able to sustain a relationship... For the next couple of months, I'm planning on working on becoming my own person by operating as a single unit. Also, doing what I want to do instead of accommodating other people or making sure everyone else is comfortable and happy. People pleaser. My people pleasing mentality was: just make everyone happy so they stick around and I have someone with me. I know I have a lot more to learn about being my own person and being a better one and I think learning to live alone is the first step. 1:45 p.m. - 2006-04-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||