graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Go ahead, sniff me. Pet my petals. Well, I guess I have an announcement. I have written off Zed. It had to be done, I knew that. And suddenly everything became crystal clear and the solution, simple. Zed was my best friend and it's possible he may be that to me again sometime soon. He came along at precisely the time I needed him and I'll always be thankful for that. Zed's in a different place than me. For more than a year now, I've been tripping over myself trying to stand up again on solid ground. I've had a knockdown, drag-out four years. One fucked up, half-assed relationship after another. It's kinda funny now, when I look back at what a complete crazed moron I was. Making the same mistake, two and three times in some cases. But you know, I'm an extremist...so when I do something, I like to really dig in and make a lasting impact. I learned a lot from all of them, so I wouldn't trade them for anything. Zed included. He might have been the most important, because with him, I learned to communicate and trust someone for the first time. It's true. I started talking to him and the truth is (poor guy), I couldn't shut the fuck up. I would hear myself disclosing intimate details and my internal shut off would light up but I just couldn't seem to stop talking to him. And the great thing about him, was that he was the perfect person to talk to. Since he was the male version of me, and we weren't romantically involved in anyway, I felt like I had nothing to lose and he wasn't scared away when he heard about my crazy life. Unfortunately for me and my friend Zed, we are moving on different timetables. I'm ready to raise the bar in my life and stop swimming with the lower tier of life; he's not. So I have to move on without him. He'll catch up with me someday. I believe in him. I've never known anyone more surely than him. He's going to be an amazing man when he grows up. My mental state is strong. I'm about to start working out again, regularly. I'm looking at apartments. After I move, I'm going to find a new job. I'm putting the word out to all my friends that I'm open to dating. I've started branching out from my local spots to meet new people in various parts of town. In summation, I'm open. I open to all of the amazing possibilities that life can hold for me. I am excited about life and the promise that it holds for me. Spring has sprung, and I, my friends, I, am in full mutherfucking bloom. Pick me! 10:58 p.m. - 2006-03-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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