graceland's Diaryland Diary

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Tension over nothing

So, tomorrow or, err, today, is the day of reckoning. I have to face The Monster. Not looking forward to it.

I've been cagey all week. Not just because I'm going to face The Monster after 10 glorious months of ignorance, but also because Spring is in the air and work is slammed.

Today I flipped my lid. Around midday I felt like I was going to explode. I spoke with my guy friend (we should name him. How about Zed! That's his name from now on.) about it and mentioned tomorrow's event where I have to see The Monster and how it's making me physically sick to my stomach. Zed was annoyed with me. "Why are you giving him the power?" he asked.

I didn't think I was "giving him the power." I haven't seen this dude in 10 months, who I was inseparable with off-and-on for 2 or 3 years. There's some tension about it. I'd rather not see him at all. I don't have feelings for him, it's more embarrassment on my part for being involved in it to begin with.

Frankly, I'm embarrassed that I was ever interested at all and wish I could take it back. He was a dork and is a dork. I'm so much cooler than him. Ick.

That conversation fired me up. I'm pissed Zed said I'm giving The Monster "The Power." That really ticked me off.

So I went out with some girlfriends after work and got sauced to forget about everything. Tequila is not my friend. I left my friends around midnight promising to go home and change but I must have been superhammered because I came home and threw up several times and started drinking water - that was about 2.5 hours ago. Feeling much better now.

They keep calling me. They are all at this exclusive club. I really don't feel like going now, even though I brushed my teeth several times, changed, washed my face and reapplied all my make up.

"Giving him the power." As if. Like I would ever let some dude see that I sweated an effing nano-second. Heh.

I'm going to give Zed the benefit of the doubt because I thought he knew me better. I may disclose to Zed my tension and my thoughts, but there's not a chance in hell I'd give The Monster the satisfaction of seeing me crack.

I'm so much better than that. And he's The Monster. I didn't heart him truly the second time around. I subbed him in for another dude I had feelings for but didn't heart me back.

He was just a freshman called in late in the game off the bench. I don't know what I was worried about anyway.

2:18 a.m. - 2006-03-25

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