graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A conversation with The Good Doctor I have no business writing here right now because my brain is muddled. Muddled from overthought, stress, drink and drug. That said, it's the perfect mixture of the aforementioned ingredients and therefore I tempt fate. I think I resigned today. Or, now that I think about it, I think I alerted my boss to my impending resignation. Yes. That's it! That was not smart. I should have either devised a plan for my next steps or found another job and then resigned. However, if you've been following me for some time, you may recall that I was at the end of my rope with this job prior to the holidays. I didn't even think I could make it until Christmas - I was so unhappy. So maybe, even though it's unstable and risky, this is the best thing I *could* have done? I think so, but I'm still not telling my parents. Truth is that I am thinking of going to consultant status and I am thinking about not telling my parents. Primarily because they still naw at my conscience and at times - instill the fear of God in me. I'll admit it - there's no shame in my game. My parents scare the shit out of me. I can't pinpoint one reason - but they do. I should think about that. So there's that whole thing. And there's my living situation up in the air. I've decided to move at the end of my lease and get my own place around my current neighborhood. I kinda like it up here. Or Queens - I could have a car. So I have to think about how a lack of job or a entrepreneur status is going to affect my rental status. And then there's my personal life. Or lack thereof. Should I stick with these friends or branch out and try to hone in on meeting new people who write to match that particular goal of mine? What is going on with my best guy friend? Am I going to move into his townhouse when he buys it in the next 5 years? What about my new new guy friend? How does he fit in? Tonight he introduced me as his "very best friend in the world!" I let this friendship become that. Do I have a black cloud over me attacking men who attach to me, because I certainly manage to bring them down with me. I don't want to bring him down. I'm tired of bringing dudes down into my evil flights of fancy. And this one is really nice. I guess I thought that of all of them - that they were nice? Is it me? What is it about me that brings people down? Maybe I'm just paranoid? Maybe this is the rambling of someone figuring things out that lead to goodness and happiness? Maybe I should walk away from him and let him get on with his life...I seem to curse men and therefore curse myself. Maybe I should embrace a life of intimacy celebacy and relationship/friendship bigamy? Hmmm. I think I just coined something...trademark please! I won't even get into professional goals. Because I don't care to. It's hard out here for a pimp... Fo' sho, D-Jay. 12:29 a.m. - 2006-03-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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