graceland's Diaryland Diary

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Suspicious Minds

There's another entry before this, but I may as well keep going since I'm so close to the truth on here.

Part of my agita is that I suspect that my roommate is sleeping with a close friend of mine.

I love my roommate and I want her to be happy. I love this guy friend and I want him to be happy too.

They really don't know each other beyond exchanging pleasantries when he's with me and she's around. That said, I found his old cell phone under my couch this weekend after I've been away for a week and he hasn't been over to hang with me in probably a month. The phone was cashed, and I do remember him coming over a month or so ago with the broken phone, transferring information to the new one, but I've moved that couch since then and he's broken 2 more phones in the same way since then.

My roommate is currently single but I know she's sleeping with someone. I hear her in her room at night giggling and talking to someone, albeit on the phone. She's got her own entrance to the apt via her bedroom, so she can easily sneak someone in and out. Most suspiciously, some recent nights, I hear the bathroom that we share being used too frequently for it to be one person. Beyond that, my roommate is sexually heightened. She needs to be getting it all the time and when she isn't, life is miserable. She's been very happy.

Before Christmas, my roommate's ex came over unexpectably and there was somewhat of a scene. Afterward, I was calming her down and her defenses were down and she said, "There's one more thing I have to tell you..." and bit her lip. She looked like she was about to confess something. That was when it struck me that she may have slept with my friend. "What?" I responded and she got scared. "Nothing" she said and ran out of my room. I protested that a comment like that is a really unfair thing to do and she should just 'fess up to me now - how bad could it be? But she refused. This theory of her sleeping with my friend has been on my mind ever since.

I told him I found his phone under my couch on Sunday. He played it off. He very well could have left it here last time he was here but I doubt it.

I saw him later Sunday night after we were drinking and I said to him, "you know, I wouldn't mind if you were having an illicit affair with my roommate, she's a great girl..." but he denied it again. Thoroughly denied it.

There were some other comments along the line of he doth protest too much that as I think back, further support my suspicion.

I truth is that I wouldn't mind if he *were* sleeping with my roommate but it would hurt my feelings if they felt that they needed to sneak around behind my back to do so.

My roommate loves cloak and dagger. She gets off on it so for her, that's half the fun of an affair. I don't think either of them want a relationship, so maybe they would prefer to shag and keep it under wraps.

What bothers me is the idea that two people who I am very close to, are intentionally shutting me out.

I don't open up to a lot of people. I'm a very private person. I've opened up to each of them in different ways, especially him, and now I feel like I can't trust him and that sucks, because up until now, I've trusted him with more than anymore else.

The reality is that I have no choice. I can't make them tell me anything and there is a good chance that I am delusional and fabricating all of this.

I hope I am fabricating this. I hope I am cooking up a paranoid delusion. Unfortunately, my intuition in previous cases like this has rarely been wrong.

12:59 a.m. - 2006-01-19

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