graceland's Diaryland Diary

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Living with Calvin Klein

My roommate is a bizarre person. Right now, I can hear her tearing apart the downstairs closets. For about a week now, she's been searching for her ski sweater and skiing gloves. During this period of time, we've both observed exactly how much storage space she's been occupying in this apartment and frankly, it's pretty effing funny.

For years, my roommate has been testifying that she doesn't take up much space around the apartment and it's really my things that I have "forgotten" about that is filling the closets. Or saying that my room is cluttered because I have too much "stuff." This week we have learned the truth - she's got shit coming out the wazoo and has been packing our closets with it.

A couple of years ago, I became frustrated with the files stored in my room - I have a short, squat, rectangular file cabinet in my bedroom with just two drawers. Obviously, it can't store too much. I try to keep two years of bank statements and 5 years of tax returns, two years or more of IRA/401K and medical plus important receipts - like if I buy a new TV. I asked my roommate how long she keeps bank statements and paycheck receipts because I had heard that to buy a house you should have 7 years back and I thought I may be getting to that point in a few years so I should start now. My roommate confirmed that I should definitely keep 7 years, in fact, she keeps 10 years back.

Confused, I asked her where she keeps it all. She has no clutter whatsoever in her room. Her bed's bigger, so she has a bit more underneath space, but her closet is about the same and packed.

She didn't even flinch and said she keeps it all in containers under her bed. I kinda stood there scratching my head at that. I've seen under her bed, it's not just paperwork. She's got containers of socks or whatever. I challenge the under the bed statement and she says that her bed's on blocks so she has more storage space. I accepted that with skepticism and walked back in my room, spending the next two or three years trying to reconfigure storage under my bed and solve the puzzle.

This week, we've discovered that my roommate has huge boxes of paperwork from floor to ceiling in both our coat closet and downstairs hall closet. These closets are DEEP. The shelves of downstairs coat closet are packed from front to back with her old clothes. We pulled out the containers and I realized for the first time how far back our closets go. I had no idea!!!!! She's dominated them for so long.

Then I find she has more stuff under the bed in our spare room! Yes! She's completed taken over under that bed!

Outrageous. And completely hilarious. I said, I don't even want to hear again that I have too much stuff. Nearly every possession I own in this world is stored in 1 room. I don't even have belongings at my parents anymore! She sends clothes home seasonally to her mom's!

This is fantastic. Her room looks like Calvin Klein meanwhile she's urban sprawled all over our apartment. I'm stuffed into my bedroom like Oscar the Grouch.

My roommate is one of kind. One-of-a-fucking kind. I'll miss her when we move, but I can't wait to spread out beyond a bedroom. LOL

10:21 p.m. - 2006-01-11

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