graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- More than just a fear of flying So today, while the rest of the world took the New Year holiday, I returned to work. It sucked. The only good thing was that I caught a taxi immediately and traveled 45 blocks in 10 minutes. I stayed up late Sunday night because I absolutely dreaded the thought that when I went to sleep, the next time I woke up it would be to go to work. I hate to go to work. Hate hate hate. I think at this point, it's not necessarily the job, but rather the concept. I just don't like reporting in to someone else's structure. Don't get me wrong, I like structure. I'm half German, without structure, I can't function. I wander in circles. I just don't like the structure that The Man mandates for me. I like structure that mandates reporting to a specific work station and doing my work, within whatever parameters of time is required for me to produce. Unfortunately, that is not how the world works - or at least not the one I work within. So I reportedly for work like the dutiful Puritan I've become and did my job. I fly to the West Coast tomorrow. I hate traveling for business. It sucks. And because I hate it so much, I've psychologically fucked myself into forcing something to go wrong everytime. Usually, I lose my wallet. On this day last year, before the very same trip, I had an anxiety attack that caused me to lose consciousness and land in the ER of a NYC hospital. That was fun. I recalled that today and it started again. I had to remember what my doctor told me and lean back in my chair and breathe deeply until my heart stopped racing. So that should sum it up. I'm flying out tomorrow morning and will be gone all week. Won't get to update until next weekend. Cross your fingers for me. 10:43 p.m. - 2006-01-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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