graceland's Diaryland Diary

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Walking the Job Line

I saw the "Walk the Line" tonight. Joaquin Phoenix freaks me out. His intensity is terrifying. He's amazing as Johnny Cash; Reese Witherspoon steals the film - in my opinion. The script left a lot to be desired. Admittedly, it's a challenge to capture such a full life in a 2 hour picture, but I'm a long time Cash fan and I just didn't think the picture did his life justice. There was much that was missed - the spirituality that emerged from his recovery...his relapses...I don't know. You have to pick and choose pieces of a person's life when you do a biopic - I would have made different choices. I would have presented a different picture of The Man in Black.

While I was watching that film I felt like both Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. Like a fucking mess and the person cleaning up other peoples' messes. How do I do that? That Therapist I used to see said that I keep I myself so busy supporting everyone that I don't leave any time for myself to break down. That eventually, if I keep trying to stick my fingers in everyone else's dams, I'm going to be the one to spring a leak. Except, she predicted, when I finally break, I might just break too far for repair. She didn't know me well enough. My stock is steel.

I'm open to a breakdown, because I'm tired and I'd welcome the change it'd offer. I'd like to lay back and be taken care of. Just stop doing, you know?

I want to wake up in the morning and not have to get out of bed. And I'm not depressed, not at all. I'm just BORED. I need something new.

Things aren't so bad, I'm mentally in a good place right now. I guess that sounds strange after bitching but the reality is that I'm just sick of my job. As soon as I find a new job, things will change.

Just a few more weeks until bonus and the holidays. Then I can get a fresh start. I just have to keep going. And keep my mouth shut and smile. That's the hard part.

11:59 p.m. - 2005-12-04

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