graceland's Diaryland Diary

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making sense of things

Today was hard. Everyone was pretty much shell shocked from the news of our friend who once worked with us. Everyone just tried to piece together, to somehow understand what happened. This just doesn't happen. Athletic, healthy 30-something's don't just drop dead.

I sent an e-mail out to a bunch of our friends around mid-morning, basically saying that I don't know about the rest of you, but I am really struggling with this reality. I am incredibly sad about this loss. It came in partial waves of thoughts about my own mortality, everyone's mortality. How can human life be so fragile? Why are we wasting so much time? Days of nonsense...pointless bickering, boredom, shitty behavior. What for? They're just time-wasters when we could be contributing something lasting, making something positive, doing something for the better good before we are swept like dust under a carpet of freshly dug earth.

Between these moments, I did my job, seemingly lightly when I realized yet again, that my profession is pretty much bullshit. Several times, as the top media phoned in with questions, I considered just opening my mouth and speaking my peace. Saying what we all know is true and pussyfoot around day in and day out, in order to be politically correct and to seem like stand up people.

Maybe I'm just in the wrong city or the wrong state or the wrong country. I just want to stand up and for people to hear me when I say, "What Karl Rove did was wrong. There's nothing right in what he did, not even what he claims were his motives. And adults should be smart enough to come together and agree that way he did wrong by first understanding, that he put several patriots lives in jeopardy with his mistake. At the same time, he broke Federal law(s). For this, he should be charged and tried."

I also want to say that, "I'm not going to rag on Coldplay anymore because I used to think that the lead singer was a macrobiotic, barefoot, new age hippie. I'm going to accept that they've made some good music." And I'm not going to snarl at them anymore because it's useless and unproductive.

And last, I was thinking today that I might want to say, "Who are we kidding, America? Who. Are. We. Kidding? We are a nation of unchristian Christians hiding in the statue of Jesus on the Cross. We are country of lazy, ignorant, indulgent people. We work too much, we eat too much, we drink too much, we drug too much, we judge too much, we hate too much, we imperialize too much. We forget about respect and don't detect our own neglect - to live. We forget how to live. We just...exist. And we hate each other for it. Including, ourselves."

Rove and Cheney in Jail, '06. I think I'll quit my job and hand out those bumper stickers. I'm tired of Uncle Tom'ing America. Taking this GOP crime spree laying down. Not making noise about local groups who aren't doing their jobs (hello, MTA). I want to make a difference.

9:19 p.m. - 2005-07-18

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