graceland's Diaryland Diary

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I guess this is the part called \"recovery\"

I guess it's been about 3 weeks since I smoked. Seems like I'm really a nonsmoker.

Things have been great and crazy, all at once. Will things ever change?

Actually, I think things *are* changing. I'm made a friend who I've made a promise to try to be a *good* influence with. We're both going to make a concerted effort to change our bad ways and encourage each other to do so. I've never had a specific "good influence" friend. It's helpful!

So tomorrow I'm going to go to therapy. Yikes. I am. I think that I've done a pretty good job of growing up and facing things/people in the last few years but I just need some help getting over the final frontier so that I can be truly free of any lingering malaise in my head and have what I want out of life.

For the last six months I've been numbing my wounds with a delicious cocktail of drugs and alcohol. That cocktail doesn't taste as good six months into a iconic bender when you realize that you've been drinking it as a form of self medication so that you can't feel anything anymore. And that you may be lucky to be alive after that.

It's time that I take a deeper dive into my own fuckupedness and sort it out. That's what I'm thinking and that's what I'm doing - very quickly before I can talk myself out of it.

*sigh*

It was this or destroy my life and I thought, death is inevitable so I'd better see what I can do with myself in the meantime. Let's make it mean something.

I'll let you know how it goes.

10:13 p.m. - 2005-05-03

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