graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She lights the world up with her smile I am starting to think I am destined to live unlike everyone else. Every time I try to make a leap onto steady ground, into an intimate relationship with a guy, I somehow leapfrog right over it and into an oilslick of more of the same trouble I've always lived in. Maybe this is the way it's supposed to be? Perhaps I am meant to be the girl that makes everyone smile. The one everyone screams for when she walks into a room, simply because not one of those people knows her well enough for them to become tired of her. Never giving enough to become old hat. I guess that's not so bad. Plenty of people have never had that cheer of adoration; people gushing over how happy she makes them. Can someone live a long life being that girl? I feel like that girl always dies young, tragically. I feel like I could die young. Primarily because I can't imagine my future. I never could though, imagine a future. As long as I can remember, I could never imagine 8 years ahead. Couldn't imagine being in high shool or college. Couldn't imagine being in my 20's and never thought I'd see 30. I have a cold. The cloudiness in my head is sending me into introspection. I like that; it's been a long time since I went inside myself. Thought is long overdue. 1:18 p.m. - 2005-04-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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