graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Better than good, just short of fulfilling The weekend was great, I left town to spend the holiday with my family. Getting out of town may have been the best move I've made in a long time; I'll be fleeing more often over the next few weeks. My eyes are opening to life beyond the microcosym I had been swimming in; I've been swimming in my own urine. I walked along the shoreline and window-shopped. I stopped in an arcade and mindlessly played some arcade games. I bought a lot of books. I dyed eggs. I saw the Easter Bunny, several times. I went out to a bar with friends, went to late night at a friends apt, acted silly. I went to Sunday mass and I stood in the frame of the open doors to the back of the church, with one foot on the threshold and the other on the landing of the steps outside. I suddenly realized that my position was symbolic of how I lead my life, one foot in and one foot out the proverbial door. Ahh, reflection. I don't know. I don't know where I am, where I've been or where I want to be. I just know I need to keep going. I haven't lost that last flicker of hope yet, that small part of me that says I can still have whatever it is I want. The question is recognizing the things I need to do to get there. The steps I need to take. Not sure what they are, but I'm hopeful that I will know them when I see them. Other than that, things are good. Better than good, just short of fulfilling. 8:12 p.m. - 2005-03-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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