graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Antiquing Where to start? Friday I went out with the old crush and we got drunk. Things were said by him to me that he probably didn't mean, and we ended up making out. I did not take him home. Saturday I woke up and I didn't really regret what happened. A kiss is just a kiss afterall and ours was a really drunken mess of one. Or two, when he may have turned to leave and I may have said to his back, "You've got be kidding me, I think you can do better than that..." and we tried again. I don't think I was happy with the second effort either because I'm sure I started to say something again and there was a third attempt at rectifying. I didn't regret it on Saturday and I didn't feel like I had a crush on him but I definitely thought I'd give the makeout another try. Primarily because I like to makeout. People freaked out about this news because the last go 'round with this dude ended in disaster. Clear and certain disaster of him not stepping up to the plate because of what I assumed was his complete lack of interest in me as anything but a friend. Apparently, I had misread the signs. Or so I have been told. I definitely don't want to date him. And so on Saturday when we spoke about 6 times because he became connie, I told him he should keep dating people. And then I made plans to meet him again that night. Because like I said, I want to makeout with him, I just don't want to date him. Saturday was crazy. I spoke with him and also heard from this amazing guy that I am friends with now, who called to make sure that I was ok because he saw the other guy physically remove me from the bar to go home with him. And because I confided in him about my recent unrequited crush on someone else and he was heartfelt and kind in his empathetic response to my situation. And he knew that I was making this mistake with the past crush to make myself feel better. So I made plans with the old crush to go to dinner and things started to change, timing and locationwise, which resulted in me showing up 4 hours late to meet him. And he was angry with me. I was drunk and high. He pointed that out. Then I was beseiged by other people lobbying to talk to me and forced to make eye contact with him over their heads. Then there was a face off btwn my friend who hates him and him, both wanting me to do different things and my friend left and I stayed to be with him and as we walked out, I thought, what am I doing? I'm dropping my life for this dude AGAIN, exactly what I swore I wouldn't ever do, so I kissed him on the cheek and sent him home and went into my building, called my friend, found out where she was and at 5am, headed downtown to meet her at an afterhours club with some friends. That was the right thing to do. I didn't get home until 7:30am. We slept for a few hours and then I headed to Philly on Sunday. I showed up as a surprise at a friends place for the Eagles game. Hungover as hell but back in the game. It was great. Everyone was screaming my name when I walked in. We all hung out and they gave me hugs and played songs for me that reminded me of them and it was just...perfect. I miss my friends so much. It's hard - all of them in Philly and me here. Sometimes I get really homesick for them. I had off Monday, they called out sick, and we hung out all day and rested. That night my mom ended up coming in to pick up my dad from the airport so I went out to dinner with her and my cousin and my brother. I dreaded leaving. Came back late Monday night and worked today. That's about it. I don't what's up with this dude but I think that halfassed makeout got me back in the game, and for that I thank him. And I hope he starts dating someone real soon because he is very intense with me. Too intense. It's scary. He'll meet someone at my party in two weeks, that's what I'm betting. Hopefully, I'll meet someone too. I need a new distraction, enough of this antiquing. 7:00 p.m. - 2004-10-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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