graceland's Diaryland Diary

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I have reached a new level of insane

Jezzzzzzzzzzzzzus.

Last night was insanity, let's do this quick because I am in a bad state and need to crash.

- Client comes to town and wants me to take him out

- We go out for tapas and sangria. Two and a half hours and $350 later, he suggests a change of scene.

- Karoake

- I acquiesce

- The people in the karaoke spot are basically unemployed rockstars.

- I have to karaoke to entertain the client. I can't sing.

- I pull it out. I pre-apologize to the crowd. I manipulate them for their sympathy. Crowd feels so badly for me, ENTIRE BAR, stands up and starts screaming and yelling and dancing with each other. Place goes nuts. I finish and thank everyone profusely.

- At some point my client is dancing with me and a) preapologizes and asks if he can slap my ass during a song (I comply) and b)dances my face off, ending by dipping me down ONTO the bars' pool table, on my back, skirt hiked and my legs wrapped around him. It was a bit much.

-Based on the above, it should be no surprise that when he left me to go to the bathroom, some Latin dude comes over and lays some rap.

- We leave around 3(?)AM.

- I make a stop at my local on my way home.

- I am retarded. I can't even formulate sentences.

- I meet the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, preapologizing to him for being retarded.

-We speak in rapture for an hour or longer. Lights in the bar go out, I pull a houdini and disappear. I heart him.

- I get home around 5AM.

- Sleep for 4 hours. Oversleep.

- Late for work, still drunk, grab a taxi, which proceeds to get hit by another taxi. Further delayed.

- At work, illness slowly sets in as alcohol bleeds out of my pores. Unsure of what to do, I know two things: a) I can't leave work because we are in crisis mode and I have dinner immediately after work with my uncle in from out of town, b) I need to nap, STAT.

- I go into a storage office, close the door, climb over boxes and up onto the desk in the corner. I sleep in the fetal position on top of the desk for about 30 minutes, wake up and go back to my desk.

- Intern calls my name. I turn around and she asked me what happened to my face - there's a crease on it from the desk. Then she asks "what's this" and pulls a piece of packing tape off my back, must have come off one of the boxes I napped by. I mumbled something, who knows what.

- A bouquet of roses arrive. I have already received 4 bouquets this week. I suspect receptionist now thinks that I am sending flowers to myself. I say nothing.

- Company assumes roses are from insane partying client to thank me for the night before. Flowers are actually from ANOTHER client, congratulating me on my promotion. Hangover exposed emotions, begin to well up over kind gesture.

- Package arrives. Friends from Philly, whom I mentioned that I had been souring the world to buy a retro-1978 orange Flyers expansion team original T-shirt, purchased instead, an official Flyers jersey for me which is so large it may have actually been Eric Lindros' previous jersey. Kidding. But it's like a dress and has that velcro thing attached for the players pants. Would what I am going to do with a team jersey, but decide to keep it because returning it would clearly be bad luck and we need to win on Saturday. LET'S GO FLYERS!!!!!

- Meet my uncle for dinner. Bartender comes over to table and brings me a long stemmed rose. Rose theme abounds.

- During dinner I proceed to tell him about this week, nap and all, as I sweat out the alcohol and at one point, fling butter from my knife onto his shirt.

That sums it up. I'm going to sleep tonight. Tomorrow, I find that guy from last night and lure him into the fold. He's going to my boyfriend. I've decided.

8:40 p.m. - 2004-05-21

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