graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Commitment Today was a mildly inspirational day. I was called into the President's office to discuss a management issue and what she told me, spoke to life. I can't share that with you because I am bound to condfidentiality, but the seedling of the concept was that we do what we want to do in life. We are motivated by our personal desires and if we want something bad enough, we make it happen. Prior to this, my boss saw my bag with yarn and knitting needles and kinda raised a brow at me and asked me what I was doing. I explained that I joined a knitting group. She shook her head at me and leaned against my desk. "What are you doing?" she asked. "What does it look like I'm doing," I replied. "I'm starting to knit. I think this is a good activity for me." "For how long, until you are halfway thru a scarf and get bored?" I squinted my eyes and looked at her. She continued, "No way are you a knitter," she said. "Whatever," I said. "You'll see." Later we were in a meeting and she said, "How's that charity work going?" "Fine." "Really," she said. "Yes, really." "So you're spending your time playing with sick kids, knitting and learning how to become a DJ?" "Yes." "What are you doing?" she asked for the second time today. "Expanding my horizons. Learning new things. Meeting new people. Branching out. I think it's good for me. I need some outside interests since I'm destined to be alone forever." She sighed. The other girl sighed. The room collectively sighed. "What?" I asked. "I *have* interests beyond going out to bars and clubs and meeting guys. I am multi-dimensional! There's more to me than a good time! In fact, I'm not even a good time." More sighing. The other girl turns to my boss and said, "She's lost it hasn't she?" "Oh, she lost it a while ago," my boss replied. So I went to a friend's apt. tonight to get some knitting instruction. She kept telling me not to be such a perfectionist, but I can't help it. I *am* a perfectionist, that's why I give up so frequently. A lot of things I try are not done to my satisfaction because I have no patience. Then she wanted to move the knitting off my needles, which were too small, and onto larger needles. I screamed. "No! I am committed to those needles!" She looked at me like I was insane. "What?" "I'm committed," I explained. "I'm a committer. I started on them, I'm going to finish this on them." "But you can't see the stitch, it's too small, too tight, these other needles will be easier for you to learn on." So I gave in to her reasoning and started over on the larger needles. She's right, they are easier to see your stitch. I'm committed. I'm going to see this through. I *can* finish a project. I do have interests beyond meeting people and going out and listening to music. I can be normal. "You're crazy," she said to me, laughing. "You're completely insane and you make me laugh so hard," she said when she went into the bathroom and my casting slipped off the needle and I yelled "OH MY GOD! IT'S KNITTING CHAOS! BAH!" and threw the needles into her capable hands upon her return to the room. "You're crazy," she said, "but you know what, you're so determined you'll have this scarf finished by the end of the weekend and will be a better knitter than I am in months. You're like that, when you set you mind on something, you are determined to be the best." We do what we want to in life. I *can* commit to whatever I set my mind on. I just have to find that thing. 10:11 p.m. - 2004-02-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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