graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blame Canada Today I decided to take control of my life. I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about something that has been on my mind for the last three weeks. I got up this morning and I looked at my my new pink pointed toe stilettos and I said to myself, "Let's do this." I dressed to the nine's today. I put on a black lace skirt and a pink sweater and fishnets and those pink shoes and some pink lipgloss and I went into work. The sun was shining and the air was a little warmer and I thought to myself, "this is living." I've been living on my own for 30 fucking years. Even as a child growing up, surrounded by family and friends, I was alone. That's who I am. I don't need anyone. I've been independent from the time I figured out how to crawl out my crib and push open the back door. People and intimacy are perks. I forgot that recently. I should have known better than to let anyone in; to trust someone. But that's in the past. I'm back and I feel great. I went out tonight with a big corporate exec. Client of my company, but not my client. He and I just broke it down. He was like, "I wish I worked with you, you're so real. Everyone loves you, you're Grace. You're the GIRL." And suddenly, it sunk in. I *am* the girl. I am the fucking GIRL. I'm the one that people are dying to hang out with. I'm the one who people open doors for even when they are carrying all of my shit for me. I'm that girl. People in my life step over people to hang out with me so why am I beating myself up like this lately? That's over. I am resuming my life. I am taking taking control. It may be February, but you can expect to see someone else here from now on. I won't be pushed around. No more letting the wrong people in. I am fucking luxury goods and there's a price of entry. This is no Econo Lodge. I am not Time Share for pen pals who are bored and need titillation in their lives. Consider this a fresh start. In this hated month, I am starting anew. 8:57 p.m. - 2004-02-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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