graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Strangers in the night I wonder if anyone looks at me and thinks, she needs a hand. I get the feeling most people think I have my shit together and I guess in the grand scheme of how people can become unraveled, I do have my shit together. But sometimes I feel like a little girl lost at the World's Fair. The thing about being with someone intimately, that I most miss, is a helping hand. Just a hand placed on my back, letting me know he's there. Such a simple but meaningful gesture. When I am getting outta hand, that gesture immediately calms me. It's a center point for me. I stopped by my local tonight for a glass of water, mainly because I couldn't stand pacing my apartment any longer today. The owner asked me, who do you think you are rapping on the glass at 6am to get in? I guess I think I'm the girl who someone is going to let in. And they did. We had a good laugh about that. And where are you until 6am, someone asked? At a European man's multi-million dollar loft in Tribecca, getting myself into trouble. How do you know him, someone asked. I didn't. I don't know him. I don't even know his name, but I tried on his ex-wife's $2000 custom made shoes, commanding the expanse of his brand new hardwood floors. And there the question comes to mind again, who do I think I am? I guess the more appropriate question would be, who do I think I am not? Who can't I be? I felt a little bit like I imagined his wife may have felt in that wealth played down by industrialized surroundings. Trapped, isolated, alone. Fearful. The hand on my back wasn't there. So I fled to what I knew. And they let me in. Tonight a guy was leaving the bar and removed his jacket from the back of the chair I was sitting on. I was looking down at the floor, trying to pull myself together as some people spoke to me, and he put his hand on my back. I started to look up, surprised, and before I could turn to him, this stranger kissed the temple of my head and quietly said in my ear, "Hold on there, you'll be ok." And then he was gone. 12:14 a.m. - 2004-02-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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