graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What am I doing? I feel like my life has been glued inside a snow globe that tourists keep turning upside and shaking for the last 24 hours. Last night in a mutual drunken stupor it was decided that this guy I am friends with via e-mail & phone, whom I've spoken with pretty much every day for more than a year and a half, is coming to NYC to meet me. Tomorrow night. And then today in the sobriety of the day, I think that positioning may have shifted and now I'm not sure exactly what's going on. This is par for the course. I never know what's going on. I feel like I live in a state of confusion. The whole thing is F-ed up and weird. I mean, what am I doing? This is crazy. J. was right this weekend when he told me that I am my own keeper. I need to become responsible for myself. I need to take control of my life. I've been doing that in little ways for the past two months, but I need to really reroute my whole path. I'm 30, not this little girl everyone thinks I am. Some young women at work today told me they thought I was between 25 and 27. I'm 30! Clearly I'm doing something wrong. I don't think this weekend visit is going to happen and if it doesn't, things are to change around the OK Corrale. I'm not exactly sure how, but they are. 9:38 p.m. - 2003-11-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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