graceland's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Touch me I was supposed to go home right after work, I really was. But a friend in need desperately needed a costume and so I did what she tells me I do best, I came to her rescue. Last night my BFF from HS told me something I never realized. She said that I am viewed as a tower of strength for women, and that I have been since high school, maybe even since grammar school. She said I was also the centrifical focal point of all the circles. I don't remember being all that. I don't really remember high school all that well, as I told her. She said that people, complete strangers from surrounding schools, were always drawn to me and that I brought some of them in, while being the school bitch to others. Apparently, I picked and chose according to my own rules. She said that I am/have been both nuturing and strong and because of that, no one imagines that something could be wrong, I've never shown an external chink in the armor. In fact, in high school if someone came down on me, I grew taller. I do remember that a little. I remember when I started to gather internal strength and face off against the girls who were considered tuff girls. It was all about being a "tuff girl" at my high school. I particularly remember making a group of girls who were the most popular at the start of the year, the least popular by the end. Not one of them had dates for the prom by Spring, they ended up going as a group. If I was responsible for that, they deserved it. I remember what they did to me. I will never forget. I feel connected to a piece of me that's been gone for more than a decade with my HS friend here. I had forgotten who I was. Now it's like yesterday each time I see her and I don't know how I can let her go again. She was my girl. I had hundreds friends in high school, but she was my best friend. She was my core. I had forgotten I had that. So I ran to her tonight and then went for some wine before bed. I ended up drinking a lot of wine, and several shots of SOCO and taking some vicodin someone gave me in the bar. I haven't felt this great in months. I feel completely relaxed. A guy I know came up behind me in the bar and wrapped his arms around me and I didn't pull away in surprise, I laid back against him comfortably. I let him stroke me and kiss my neck. It's going to be a good weekend. 12:01 a.m. - 2003-11-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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